Unmoored

If life is a journey across an unpredictable ocean, then entering the dating world as a gay man often feels like being cast out into a storm with no compass. For so many of us, the “Open Sea” is a place where the currents only seem to flow in one direction: toward the temporary.

It is a world that feels dominated by hookup culture and “friends with benefits”—a world where connection is often treated as a disposable commodity. For the longest time, I looked out at that horizon and felt a profound sense of isolation. I didn’t want the fleeting. I didn’t want a connection that ended when the sun came up or a relationship that stayed safely tucked away in the shallows of “casual.” I knew, deep in my soul, that I wanted an exclusive, special, and sacred relationship. I knew I deserved it, even when the world tried to convince me that “this is just how it is for people like us.”

Then, I found him. Or perhaps, we found each other in the drift.

The Lunch That Shifted the Tides

We started where so many start—guarded. We were both weathered by the same sea, and we were both settling for the safety of “friends with benefits” because, in this dating climate, hope can feel like a liability. We were keeping things light to protect ourselves from the disappointment of wanting more.

But then came that one lunch.

It was supposed to be just another meal, a casual hour spent in the shallows of “casual.” But as we sat there, the air between us began to change. We didn’t say it out loud—we weren’t ready to break the silence of our arrangement yet—but the shift was undeniable. The logistics of a “hookup” felt suddenly small and insignificant. While we ate and talked about nothing in particular, my mind was screaming a question I was too terrified to ask: What could this become? I didn’t know it then, but he was thinking the exact same thing. We were both staring at the horizon, silently realizing that the shallows weren’t enough for us anymore. Without a single word being spoken about it, we stopped drifting. In the quiet of that afternoon, we both chose to dive.

The Revolution of the “Package Deal”

Unconditional love is a term people throw around, but I have not always received it. In my past, love always felt like it came with a list of expectations—a script I had to follow, a role I had to play, or a version of myself I had to prune back to be “acceptable.” There was always a condition.

But not with him. He loves me—not for what I can give him, not for what I can do for him, and certainly not for how well I can “act” for him. He loves the version of me that is tired, the version that is messy, and the version that still carries the echoes of the shame I was taught to feel as a kid.

When we committed to each other, I tried to warn him about my trauma and my baggage. I expected him to see it as a reason to leave. Instead, he looked at all of it—the heavy, the broken, the complicated—and he signed up for the package deal. He didn’t just accept it; he looked me in the eyes and said, “It’s ours now.” #### Sharing the Weight of the World I am still learning how to be loved like this. I am still the person who tries to carry every single burden alone, reflexively blaming myself for everything that goes wrong. It’s a hard habit to break when you’ve spent years being told you are the problem.

But he won’t let me drown in that old narrative. He forces me to unload. He picks up my slack when I’m weak, he steadies me when my anxiety flares, and he works through the hard stuff with me, no matter how grueling the conversation. We have built a sanctuary based on devotion, patience, and a level of understanding I didn’t think existed.

The Beautiful Irony

It is a crazy, beautiful irony that our relationship is healthier, more communicative, and more stable than the relationships of so many people who would openly judge us. There are people who look at us and say our love is “wrong” or “unnatural,” yet they go home to lives built on secrets, gossip, and resentment.

They cling to the “right” labels while living in “wrong” ways. Meanwhile, we are navigating a world of hate and despise by simply loving each other with everything we have. We are proving, every single day, that living in your truth is the greatest decision you can ever make.

The Dream We Deserve

We shouldn’t settle. We don’t have to accept the idea that being gay means forfeiting the dream of a traditional, devoted life. We don’t have to have open marriages if we don’t want them. We don’t have to live in a cycle of “FWB” just because society expects it of us.

We can have the dream that every human heart wants. If we want to live our truths, let’s go all the way. Let’s get married. Let’s live the life we were destined to have. Let’s build the home, the family, and the legacy that they said wasn’t for us.

Our love isn’t just a private joy; it is a defiance. It is a lighthouse for every person still lost at sea, wondering if they are worthy of the deep. Let’s show all of the haters just how powerful and transformative our love can become.